Barking Maddy's Puppy Love Read online

  Barking Maddy’s Puppy Love

  S M Mala

  Published by S M Mala

  Copyright © S M Mala 2018

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication is to be reproduced, distributed or transmitted in any forms or by any means, including photocopying, recording or any other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher/author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

  All characters in this book are fictitious and any resemblance to any persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

  Visit my website: www.smmala.com to see other titles.

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  ISBN: 978-0-9955568-0-5

  ‘I can hear you clearly, over and out.’

  Maddy whispered down into her collar. ‘But don’t shout.’

  ‘Is he there yet?’ she heard Ted ask in her earphones. ‘Why’s he always late?’

  ‘Look, this is a bit odd, and if he finds out that I’m getting coached by you, and you’re on the end of this phone discreetly feeding me the lines, he will go ballistic. Over and out.’

  ‘Stop saying over and out. Do you care what he thinks?’ her best friend asked, then started to laugh. ‘Just flash your big baby browns, and he’ll get your drift.’

  ‘Are you talking about my boobs again?’

  The roar of his laughter made her smile.

  Then she heard the barking.

  ‘Is Phyllis with you?’ she hissed, looking around to see when Roland was turning up. ‘Who else is there? Listen, this isn’t a show you know.’

  ‘Yes, the pup is here and so is Stan.’

  ‘Stan!’

  ‘Yes, because he’s a professional writer and blogger, so he has helped with the wording.’

  Automatically she went bright red on hearing his name and due to being mortified that he was going to witness it.

  Maddy liked Stan, but she could tell he thought that she wasn’t all there. Sometimes Maddy suspected he was laughing to himself when she spoke to him. She couldn’t make out why he thought she was hilarious especially when she wasn’t. Every so often he would type something into his phone or write in the battered brown leather notebook he carried around.

  She figured he was writing insightful things regarding their conversations, or just negative remarks. Maddy had no idea.

  But his dog, Phyllis, she regarded as one of her close friends as well as Ted, Pearl and not forgetting Dora; never forgetting her.

  The lovely little Bernese mountain dog who was quite small and reminded her of a teddy bear. Stan had been left Phyllis by his late grandmother for him to look after, which Maddy had heard he wasn’t too pleased about.

  When she met Stan, he had only been with Phyllis for less than a year and was finding responsibility daunting. Also, he preferred to call the dog Phyl, making her more masculine than the cute little girl she was. Maddy believed Stan thought it made her sound hard, but looking at the puppy, she was too adorable for that.

  The dog was two years old and well-trained. Ted had told Maddy that Phyllis was to test Stan’s ability at being responsible. Apparently, he lapsed from time to time and made misjudgments which had upset his parents, sister, late grandmother, close relatives, friends and numerous girlfriends in the past.

  Hence, the last lot were in the past.

  Stan was Stasia’s twin, and she was dating Ted. Maddy had only met them six months ago, as Ted was keeping the romance under his hat, and she liked them.

  Liked Stan more to the point.

  He was a tough cookie to crack but one she was determined to, mainly because she secretly fancied him but knew Ted wouldn’t approve of her hitting on his girlfriend’s brother.

  And Ted seemed smitten with Stasia. It pleased Maddy no end as Ted was a babe magnet and some of the women he had dated were not up to scratch in her eyes. In the past, she had made it clear to the onslaught of women that no-one hurt her friend.

  Sometimes this went down well, most of the time it didn’t. She knew he could do so much better and he did, with Stasia.

  But she still wasn’t the one for her friend.

  The two reasons she wasn’t going to interfere was because of Phyllis and Stan.

  ‘Barking Maddy,’ Stan began, his nickname for her because her surname was Berkeley. His soft tone made her cringe at the thought he was going to know what she was about to do. ‘At aged twenty-nine, this is a little odd having your friend advise you on how to dump that slimy toad Roland. All because you want to get your dream guy for your birthday.’

  ‘Mock as you like, but on my thirtieth birthday I will be at the Trevi Fountain throwing coins to find my one true love.’ She sighed at the thought. ‘Roll on 13th June!’

  ‘Have you saved up enough loose change?’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘You know, that’s going to be a lot of coins you’re going to have to chuck in to find this elusive man,’ he said, and she could hear the sarcasm in his voice. ‘Even I’m saving up for you, but I doubt if you’ll ever have enough coins.’

  ‘Stan, don’t mock her,’ Ted said, knowing it had been her wish for the past five years. ‘She’s prone to bite.’

  ‘I’ve had a rabies jab,’ he sniggered.

  ‘Look, leave me alone. It has to be done, and I’m useless at breaking up with people.’

  ‘But barking Maddy, don’t you think it’s a little juvenile?’

  ‘Look here,’ she whispered, holding the phone’s microphone to her lips. ‘Ted always helps me as I’m prone to back down. Plus, you don’t have to be mean about Roland, do you?’

  ‘If you liked him so much how come after a year you’re dumping him?’ he asked as the amusement drenched his voice.

  ‘Because he’s after her money and doesn’t treat her with respect she deserves,’ piped up Ted, sticking up for Maddy. ‘And she is allowed to make wrong decisions from time to time, though she does make wrong decisions quite a lot.’

  ‘Pardon me?’

  ‘Maddy, you do,’ he replied sweetly. ‘That’s because you’re too trusting and kind. You need to be more cynical.’

  ‘Like me,’ added Stan. ‘People will take you for a ride.’

  ‘There is good in all people,’ she said through gritted teeth. ‘You just have to dig deep.’

  ‘What were you doing with Roland? Digging for oil,’ he retorted. ‘There’s nothing good there.’

  ‘Physically.’

  ‘Emotionally and personality wise?’

  ‘He lacks in those areas, I’m afraid,’ she sadly admitted, looking at her paw covered hands and rubbing the material together. ‘But he has a fit body and was good in the sack.’ Both the men groaned in response. ‘What did I say?’

  ‘As long as you don’t go quoting songs from Burt Bacharach’s greatest hits album, we’ll be okay,’ whispered Ted.

  ‘She does what?’ laughed Stan.

  ‘I do not!’ replied Maddy shaking her head, knowing she had something lined up.

  ‘I know she listens to it when she’s happy, which is non-stop,’ mumbled Stan.

  ‘Maddy, just don’t,’ added Ted as she frowned. ‘Try to be an adult about it.’

  ‘I am an adult!’

  Just then, she heard Stan roar with laughter and knew he didn’t think she was.

  It made her grin.

  ‘I’m not sure about this.’

  Roland rocked up fifteen minutes late as she sat waiting in the bar. Maddy
pulled her hair forward, so it would doubly cover her ears. The two black ringlets could be mistaken for the hairstyle of an orthodox dark-skinned Jew, but anything to cover her digital backup. ‘He has just arrived. I feel sick. Oh, and he looks hot.’

  ‘Typical,’ sighed Stan. ‘It’s not about the package. It’s about the person.’

  ‘Right, yes, yes,’ she said, seeing female heads turn from teenagers to grandmothers at the man walking up to her.

  ‘Have you hidden the earphones, so he can’t see?’ asked Ted, sounding excited. ‘And you better repeat what I say as I know he’ll talk you out of it like he did last time.’

  ‘Is that when she ended up paying for an expensive holiday, she didn’t want to go on?’ asked Stan, starting to laugh. ‘Only you could end up falling for his bullshit and footing the bill.’

  ‘Listen you two, don’t laugh at my expense. I see the positive, not the negative in people. And yes, my headphones are covered because my hair is covering them and I’m wearing my suit.’

  ‘What!’ shouted out Stan, starting to laugh. ‘You are joking!’

  ‘Maddy,’ Ted calmly said, gulping hard. ‘Are you wearing the puppy costume?’

  ‘Yes, as I thought it would cover the phone and the wires,’ she replied, hearing the roar of laughter from the other end. ‘And I’ve just come from the hospice, so I didn’t have enough time to get changed.’

  ‘Give me strength!’ sighed Ted, trying to hold his laughter in. ‘You’re dressed up as a dog to end your year-long relationship with that dog.’

  ‘Ted, don’t be nasty. Roland is just-.’

  There were no words to describe her current boyfriend that would be appropriate.

  ‘Shit, he’s coming over.’

  ‘And don’t laugh Maddy,’ hissed Ted. ‘You know you have this habit of laughing when you’re nervous.’

  ‘She’s always laughing,’ whispered Stan. ‘That’s why I think she’s a looney.’

  ‘I heard that Stanley Franks!’ she snapped back then put her hand over her mouth before glancing at Roland.

  The problem with Roland is that he was muscular and tall, with vibrant blue eyes, a well-sculptured face and hair that was long and reached his shoulders. He was a modern-day sexy Tarzan, in her eyes.

  But he didn’t swing through trees, not Roland.

  He tried to swing off her wallet at any given moment, especially when he found out that she had inherited a fair sum from her late grandmother.

  In fairness, Maddy knew that as a musician he was never going to have money, but he did have expensive taste, mainly paid by Maddy.

  ‘I’m going to do it,’ she said and heard Phyllis bark enthusiastically in the background, making her smile. ‘And it’s the right thing. You agree with me Phyllis. I know you do.’

  ‘He’s an arse, and of course, Phyl would agree,’ she heard Stan say but decided to smile at her soon-to-be ex who was coming towards her. ‘Anyone can see it other than you. Please try and hide what you’re thinking. You’re so transparent with your expressions.’

  ‘What does that mean?’

  ‘Maddy, your eyes give it away.’

  ‘What away?’

  ‘What you’re thinking. It’s like the link to your soul and thoughts,’ he whispered. ‘Try not to be obvious about getting guidance on the other end of the phone.’

  ‘You’ll be great,’ Ted interrupted. ‘Now just concentrate.’

  ‘Hello Roland,’ Maddy said, getting up and seeing he looked at her up and down. ‘I came from the hospice.’

  ‘I do think, Madeleine,’ he replied, in his sexy Swedish voice while running his fingers through his hair, and checking out who was looking at him. ‘This little thing you do sometimes mar your judgment on how to dress appropriately.’

  ‘Tosser,’ Ted said.

  ‘Tosser,’ Maddy repeated, thinking that was her cue to copy.

  ‘Don’t tell him that!’ shouted out Ted.

  ‘Pardon me?’ asked Roland, doing a double take.

  ‘It’s toastier,’ she quickly replied. ‘Wearing this suit at the beginning of March. It can get nippy from time to time, the spring weather being like it is. Here’s some money, get a drink.’ Maddy handed over a large note. ‘I’m fine with my wine.’

  ‘Can’t you get it? I was gigging late last night,’ Roland sighed, smiling at her.

  ‘My paws hurt, and my tail’s gone limp,’ she innocently replied. ‘Been working. You know what it’s like.’

  Begrudgingly Roland went to the bar.

  ‘He’s gone,’ she whispered.

  ‘Limp tail!’ laughed out Stan. ‘Priceless!’

  ‘Maddy, don’t repeat everything I say,’ said Ted calmly. ‘When he comes back, just start off with the sentence as we rehearsed. Then begin to talk, and I’ll add anything you missed off.’

  ‘Okay,’ she said taking a deep breath. ‘When he gets back to the table.’

  That’s when she realised two women were looking at her as if she was slightly deranged, but she smiled in return and took a massive gulp of wine.

  Roland came back with a shot of spirit and a pint of beer, and slunk into the chair, smiling at the women who were looking at her.

  ‘Listen, Maddy, I can’t stay long. I was wondering if you could lend me some cash as I’m a little short at the moment?’ he asked, knocking back the shot and instantly looking bored.

  ‘How much would you like?’ she replied.

  ‘No fucking way are you giving him money!’ said Ted. ‘Just start the speech now.’

  ‘Okay, okay,’ she said, taking a deep breath. ‘I wanted us to meet for a chat.’

  ‘Why? You know this is eating into my schedule.’

  ‘What schedule?’ laughed Stan. ‘He doesn’t do anything other than bang the drums badly.’

  Maddy decided to stay focussed on Roland, ignoring what was happening in her ears.

  ‘We’ve been together nearly a year, and I don’t think things are going too smoothly, do you?’ she began, knowing that was the rehearsed beginning.

  ‘Listen, you know I’m a busy guy, and I can’t be there when you want me to be,’ he replied, with a smirk. ‘That’s the deal of going out with someone like me.’

  ‘I hate his voice,’ she heard Stan say. ‘I mean, I bet he’s not from Sweden but Scunthorpe and has a northern accent. Plus, he’s a shit musician.’

  ‘Don’t talk or she’ll repeat it,’ whispered Ted.

  ‘I’m not that stupid!’ replied Maddy, realising she had spoken to the pair of them.

  ‘I never said you were,’ Roland said, startling Maddy. ‘Why’d you say that?’

  ‘Oh, I don’t know,’ she replied, gulping hard. Maddy started to feel herself perspire. ‘I think, I think…’

  ‘I think you take me for a ride when it comes to my cash,’ Ted pointed.

  ‘Yes,’ she replied.

  ‘Maddy, please will you just follow the plan and say what I say,’ Ted sighed. ‘You do want to finish with him, don’t you?’

  ‘Yes, of course, I want to finish with him,’ she said, then realised what had come out of her mouth when she looked at Roland. Laughing nervously, Maddy noticed he was eyeing her with suspicion. ‘The thing is, sorry Roland, I was going through a few things in my head.’

  ‘Obviously,’ he said, rolling his eyes and glancing at the two women as if Maddy were bonkers.

  ‘I don’t want to see you again,’ she blurted out, then laughed again, not wanting to go down the gentle route. ‘It’s going nowhere, other than a dent in my bank account from your continual need to dip into it.’

  ‘Go girl!’ she heard Stan shout in the background which was then accompanied by a bark from Phyllis. ‘And stop laughing.’

  ‘You’re dumping me?’ Roland asked, trying not to smile. ‘You?’

  ‘Yes, me!’

  ‘Maddy, Maddy, Maddy,’ he said gently, touching her paw as she looked at him suspiciously. ‘We’re good together.’

  ‘Only
when he wants your money,’ piped up Ted.

  ‘Only when you want my money,’ she repeated and pulled her hand away. ‘What sort of man expects someone to pay them to spend the day together because they might be losing an opportunity to earn cash?’

  ‘You didn’t, did you?’ asked Stan, loudly.

  ‘Yes, I did,’ she said, watching Roland’s face start to stiffen. ‘And those guitars you can’t even play!’

  ‘Jesus Madeleine, you didn’t,’ groaned Ted. ‘Why buy him those when you know he’s a crap musician?’

  ‘Oh, don’t I know it. And you, Roland, even wanted me to pay your rent for the next six months because you were close to your big break and needed cash for the demo!’

  ‘What? To deaf people?’ said Stan, making Maddy smile. ‘Phyllis has more chance of getting a record deal than him and his dodgy mates.’

  ‘But you did pay for the last six months,’ replied Roland, shaking his head at her. ‘I can’t pay you back for that, I’m afraid.’

  ‘I’m going to kill you, Madeleine,’ hissed Ted, and she instantly went red knowing she had forgotten to tell him that bit. ‘He’s screwing you over.’

  ‘You’re screwing me over, do you know that?’ she said sharply, taking a massive sip of her drink.

  ‘I screw you well,’ he purred as she wanted to scream, knowing there was an audience under her dog suit, but he was making her collar feel a little hot. ‘I don’t mind you paying me for sex and keep it very casual. You are good.’

  ‘Maddy, if you dare agree to this, I will chop off your tail!’ barked Ted.

  ‘Am I good?’ she asked, trying not to smile. ‘I think I am.’

  ‘Baby, you give me great head, and when you come it’s-.’

  ‘No!’ Maddy put her hand over his mouth to stop him from saying something too risqué. Roland then started sucking her finger. ‘Don’t do that! It’s making me sweat.’

  ‘I love sucking bits of you when you come,’ he replied, as she got hot and wiped her hand on the suit.

  ‘Jesus,’ she heard Stan groan. ‘Don’t fall for his bullshit. Just dump him!’

  ‘You’re dumped!’ Maddy said, getting to her feet. ‘It’s finished, and I don’t think there’s any point continuing this conversation.’