The Secret History of Hatty Ha Ha ... Begins Read online

  ‘Hide?’ Jake narrowed his eyes. ‘You don’t need to hide.’

  ‘Me need to hide so people like you can stop laughing and talkin’ at me, all 83,287 of dem,’ she said, turning around and trying to walk as quickly as possible away from the man who was trying hard to keep up with her.

  ‘Who are the four who don’t?’ he asked and she realised he was listening to her.

  ‘Me best friend, he sister, Mister Murray an’ me own self!’ She knew he was walking closely behind.

  She eventually stopped at the large old beautiful house and unlocked her bike.

  ‘You used to live in this house didn’t you?’

  ‘Yes up to twelve year ago,’ she said and turned to look at him. ‘How do you know?’

  ‘I know a lot about you Hatty Ha Ha,’ Jake laughed and stepped closer as she stepped back. ‘I noticed you the first day I got here and wondered why you were walking around looking like a tramp, when all the other girls were dressed up and looking so fine.’

  ‘Me can’t wear heels and a skirt when me workin’ de soil,’ she laughed, realising he was trying to move closer. ‘And me not easy!’

  Hatty pushed him away.

  ‘I’ve been here four weeks and you’ve not said a word to me.’

  ‘Me very busy.’

  ‘Not even a ‘hello’.’

  ‘I smiled at you when you first arrived,’ she said, remembering how she stopped breathing when she saw him step out of the car, totally intoxicated by his beauty before falling off the fence she was sitting on.

  ‘Did you hurt yourself? Seemed like a pretty hard fall when I caught a glimpse of your feet up in the air.’

  ‘Me lost me balance,’ she said, knowing her cheeks were getting redder as she glanced away realising he’d seen the incident.

  ‘You’ve had three marriage proposals and-.’

  ‘How do you know that for god’s sake?’ Harriet exclaimed, dropping her bike to the ground as well as her false Caribbean voice. ‘No one knows. Why’ve you been spying on me?’

  ‘You haven’t lost your English accent at all, have you?’ he smiled down at her. ‘Some of the locals mentioned it when I asked.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Because Ha Ha, I like you.’

  ‘Ya don’t know me!’ she huffed, picking up her bike and walking around the house down the path towards the front of the house. Hatty felt scared and she wasn’t quite sure why he was creating this turmoil. ‘Go away!’

  ‘But I do like you,’ he said, trying to keep up with her. ‘For a small person you walk extremely fast.’

  ‘Me ‘ad good practice runnin’ away from people.’

  ‘Stop Ha Ha,’ he said, sprinting in front of her and putting his hands on top of hers as she firmly held onto her handle bars. ‘I don’t bite like a mosquito, if that’s what you’re worried about.’

  ‘Can you let me pass? Me need to get back to me house to help auntie,’ she said quietly. ‘I’ll be late, she be mad an’ den me get a beating.’

  ‘You’re such a liar. No one can lay a finger on you! Not even me.’

  ‘Pardon?’

  ‘She told me to leave you alone, the first day I got here. She said ‘Jake, don’t go interfering with my niece Hatty. She’s a nice girl and studying though she’s very clumsy around people, she could be led astray and doesn’t need any distractions.’

  ‘That’s a load of bollocks! I have a mind of my own! I do what I want when I want!’ shrugged Hatty, immediately annoyed with her aunt, knowing she confided in her about liking the look of Jake then was instantly shouted down.

  Aunt Delores warned her Jake was like all the other men who came to the island. Looking for fun with the local girls but not willing to stick a wedding ring on their finger, but more than willing to stick something else instead. And he was Murray Logan’s only child so was off limits.

  Hatty sighed for a moment before asking, ‘Why would she say that?’

  ‘Because I said you were the prettiest girl on the island though a little odd,’ he smiled as she laughed out loudly and shook her head. ‘What’s so funny?’

  ‘Ya tink ya sweet words are going to soften me?’ Hatty said, shaking her head in amusement. ‘Me see ya with Gina! Me know how your words work!’

  ‘Gina’s a good sport.’

  ‘Sport!’ shouted Hatty. ‘She let ya have your way and you call it ‘sport’? Me tink she a slut!’

  ‘She wanted it too,’ smiled Jake, leaning closer to her. ‘You want to know something?’

  ‘No,’ she said, pulling her handle bars away from him as she got on her bike, knowing he was playing with her.

  ‘I followed you here the second week I arrived. I wanted to know where you disappeared to when you finished work around lunchtime.’

  ‘Ya didn’t?’ she gasped.

  ‘Hatty Ha Ha, I didn’t know you liked to bathe in your birthday suit. It was you who gave me the idea to go skinny dipping!’ Jake let out a loud laugh and shook his head. ‘I was shocked when I saw you splashing around naked, mind you, I have to say you have a very pretty beauty spot on your butt.’

  ‘You a nasty man and a pervert!’ she snapped and started to ride off on her bike, her face turning to a dark shade of berry which only made her break out into sweat. ‘And leave me alone!’

  Pedalling for dear life, she just about avoided getting knocked over by a truck coming up behind her, as the men she knew jeered.

  ‘Ha Ha Hatty, ya gonna get kill!’ the old man at the wheel laughed.

  She quickly swerved to stop while the men in the back laughed at her.

  ‘Ya look like dat witch from ‘Wizard of Oz!’ a younger man shouted.

  ‘Rass holes!’ she shouted, waving her fist in the air then noticed her best friend, Philip Isaacs, in the back of the truck shaking his head at her.

  Hatty sheepishly looked away. She got back on her bike and waited to for the dust to settle. She wiped the sweat from her forehead, checking her watch seeing she was going to be late getting home again. Taking a deep breath, she got on her bike, pedalling fast down the dry road, avoiding the small pot holes. She felt a car coming straight behind her as she veered towards the edge waiting for it to pass.

  ‘It’d be quicker if you got in,’ Jake shouted from the driver’s seat of his father’s jeep.

  She did a double take before he pulled out in front of her, screeching the car to a halt. Hatty pulled hard on the brakes of her bike to avoid going head first over his bonnet.

  ‘What are you doing!’ she shouted, getting more frustrated with her disastrous ride home.

  ‘Jump in.’

  ‘Me not got time for this nonsense,’ she scowled. Jake got out of the car and she felt something flutter in her gut. Hatty realised it was in anticipation of getting a scolding from her aunt. ‘I’m late.’

  ‘It will take me fifteen minutes to get you back to the house and, if you continue to ride your bike, you won’t be home for at least another half an hour. Come on.’ Jake marched up towards her and grabbed the bicycle, opened the back door and put the bike inside, pulling her towards the passenger seat and throwing her into the car. Hatty didn’t know what to say other than the thought he had seen her naked, which only made her very agitated and embarrassed. ‘Why does your aunt need you back?’

  ‘To help in the kitchen,’ she said, turning to look at him as he got in the car. ‘Master Logan ya shouldn’t be giving me a lift home.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘It not look right.’

  ‘You work for my father and I’m being helpful,’ he smiled, starting the car and driving at high speed down the road.

  ‘Slow down!’ she shouted, grabbing onto her seat. ‘Cattle come across the road, you know!’

  ‘Chill,’ he said, as he took a tight bend.

  ‘Master Logan!’

  ‘Call me Jake,’ he replied, putting down the throttle.

  Hatty thought she was going to be sick.

  ‘Please slow down!’


  ‘This isn’t fast,’ he laughed, passing the truck of men who had jeered at her. She sunk into her seat and covered her head with the satchel. Jake continued to laugh. ‘Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?’

  ‘You shouldn’t have followed me to the house and watched me…’ Hatty bit her lip. ‘… swim.’

  ‘I know where you go and I like the place. You don’t object if I go there when I want to hide?’

  ‘Are you laughing at me?’ she asked earnestly, knowing he was being like the some of the others she spoke to on a daily basis who thought she was odd, even crazy. ‘Is this something to pass the time?’

  He put the brakes on the car as she was flung forward, the seat belt digging into her chest. Jake turned and stared at her for a moment. She couldn’t tell what he was thinking as he suddenly smiled.

  ‘I’ve got another eight weeks left here so I’d like to explore the island a bit more. And, if you don’t mind, I’d like to explore it with you.’

  ‘What makes you think I know anything?’

  ‘You found that place and never told a soul. I think you know more about this island than you’re letting on. I bet you’ve got hiding places.’

  ‘Depends how you define ‘hiding’.’

  Jake dropped her outside the gates to the estate. She got on her bike and rode towards the house she lived in with her aunt. Her head was reeling from her meeting with the man, which meant she wasn’t concentrating. He whizzed past her and she fell off her bike into the bush by her home. Hatty heard Jake laugh as did some others walking past her.

  ‘Hatty, ya clumsy,’ laughed Ethel, the elderly lady who worked in the kitchen for the Logan’s as she hobbled towards her.

  The woman had known Hatty since the day she was born, so she said.

  ‘Hello Auntie Ethel. Ya been up to mischief?’

  Ethel was as strong as an ox and put on the old person act to get people to do things for her. Everyone knew the sixty something just needed to get her bunions sorted but had told everyone, if she went into hospital, she’d only come out in a box. Hatty smiled at the straw hat, white sneakers with thick black tights as Ethel clutched hard on to her handbag.

  ‘Me give ya mischief! Ya Aunt Delores shoutin’ far ya. Me can ‘ear ‘er from de

  oder side of da island.’

  ‘I-.’ Hatty looked at her dirty clothing and realised she’d been bitten on her arm, trying not to scratch but digging her nails into her skin. ‘Blasted mosquito!’

  ‘Child ya very strange. Ya skin should be strong to cope but ya come up in lumps still.’ Ethel stroked the angry mound getting bigger on her arm. ‘Me tell ya aunt ya gone an’ get change. Wash up, take ya tablet, an’ run to da kitchen.’

  ‘Thanks,’ she replied, sprinting into the small bungalow, straight into her room.

  Flinging off her clothes she took a quick shower then rubbed herself head to toe with mosquito repellent before putting on a clean pair of dungarees.

  She swallowed her antihistamine and ran back towards the very large house belonging to the Logan’s. It had been built on the coastline and faced the sea on one side and beautiful lush gardens, that Hatty helped to look after, on the other. Hatty stopped when she realised Murray’s dog, Barney a small King spaniel, was trying to dig up her herbs.

  ‘Shoo ya little rat,’ she said, chasing the dog away who just barked. Someone had left the gate open so she picked up the dog, threw him over the fence, locking the gate firmly. ‘Me deal with you later!’

  Hatty waved a finger at the naughty mutt before she ran down the back way and into the kitchen.

  Delores stood there, knowing Hatty was on the grounds and she felt tense. Ethel and Monica were around as she tried to smile but something hard sunk into her gut. The fuss everyone made about Hatty when she was near, as if celebrating her return. Jealously, she took the knife and chopped fiercely knowing the child annoyed her so much. She knew it wasn’t all Hatty’s fault. She couldn’t help who her mother was but Murray was ultimately to blame.

  Hatty’s Aunt Delores was standing with her back towards her as she walked in. Her tall slender frame was taught as her back straightened, as if waiting for something. Hatty examined her short hair, nearly to her scalp. Then Delores slowly moved her head and glanced at Hatty before turning away. The young kitchen helper, Monica, smiled sheepishly knowing Hatty was going to get a telling off. Her friend was a little taller than her but extremely thin with the widest smile you’d wish to ever see. Ethel walked slowly towards Hatty, pushing her towards the greens that needed to be washed and chopped.

  ‘Harriet,’ Delores said, in her clipped English accent. Hatty saw her turn around slowly and examined her high cheeks bones, big brown eyes and large white teeth against her very dark brown skin as she glared. Hatty knew the look so well and how upset it made her feel. ‘I told you not to be late.’

  ‘I got bitten,’ she said apologetically, showing her the large bite on her arm.

  ‘You are twenty two years old, not a child. Can’t I at least expect you to turn up on time?’

  ‘I’m sorry aunt,’ she said shamefully, and looked at the ground. ‘I was distracted with studying and-.’

  ‘I don’t know where you go and what you get up to but I expect you to turn up here on time when I say so, do you hear me girl?’ Delores said sharply, her eyes burning into Hatty’s face.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Now come over here and give me a hug as an apology.’ Delores face broke out into a faint smile as Hatty went towards her. She did as she was told and was relieved she wasn’t going to get a massive ear bashing, before looking up into her eyes. ‘Hatty, you stink, child.’

  ‘I don’t!’ she said, stepping back. ‘It’s my new mosquito repellent. It’s ‘erbal.’

  ‘Herbal,’ sighed her aunt. ‘Don’t drop the ‘h’.’

  ‘Herbal,’ repeated Hatty, knowing she pronounced it incorrectly to wind her up.

  She tried to tie back her long hair back which only flopped on her face.

  ‘Let me!’ scolded Delores. She turned her around and plaited her hair. ‘You have the most beautiful straight hair any girl would want and you walk around looking like a mess.’

  ‘Someone said today me look like a tramp.’

  ‘Hatty stop saying ‘me’ and say ‘I’. You know how to speak perfectly well,’ sighed Delores. She pulled harder at Hatty’s hair, plaiting it all the way down her back before tying the end. ‘And don’t go putting this into any of the food.’ Delores held up the end of her plait before throwing it back down. ‘Who said you looked like a tramp?’

  ‘A horrible little boy,’ she replied, picking up the knife and walking towards the greens.

  ‘No, you’re not doing that. Take the husks off the corn and clean them.’

  ‘But-.’

  ‘No ‘buts’. Go outside and do it!’

  ‘You didn’t need me at all,’ hissed Hatty, noticing Monica laugh at her before chopping the greens at high speed. ‘You can buy ready peeled corn from the supermarket. You know they come in cans, even frozen and the Japanese freeze dry them.’

  ‘If I don’t set a time for you to get back here then you’ll only get distracted with whatever. You need to study for your exams and pass them this time. You need to have more discipline in your life.’

  ‘She need a man,’ mumbled Monica, taking the greens to the kitchen sink.

  ‘No I don’t!’ snapped back Hatty.

  Delores rolled her eyes in dismay at the pair of them.

  ‘Trevor got a lot of friends if ya lookin’?’ whispered Monica. Hatty walked past

  to grab a knife. ‘Ya know da last man ya refuse to marry?’ Hatty grunted in response. ‘Well ‘e join da police force an’ me ‘ear he got a fine gal on his arm.’

  ‘Good for him,’ Hatty replied sarcastically, knowing she was talking about Eric Quelly as a shiver went down her spine. ‘And if it was that tit toucher Quelly, then she’s welcome to him.’ Scowling for a moment, she reca
lled the eager young man and shuddered. ‘Lucky escape!’

  ‘When me was ya age,’ began Ethel. ‘Me was married with tree children.’

  ‘Didn’t use a condom then?’ muttered Hatty, realising Delores had overheard and was giving her dagger looks while Monica sniggered.

  ‘Ya children now, ya want to do dis education an’ career. It not right. Ya need a husband,’ persisted Ethel.

  ‘Aunt doesn’t have a man and she’s very happy,’ replied Hatty confidently.

  Ethel flashed Delores a look which Hatty knew was about Murray Logan.

  ‘Enough of your chatting!’ Delores snapped. ‘Go out onto the porch and sort out the corn. There’s a sack that-.’

  ‘A sack!’ exclaimed Hatty. ‘That’ll take me the whole night!’

  ‘You’re not doing anything else are you?’ smirked Delores.

  ‘Just because me…’ she cleared her throat. ‘…I don’t want to go socialising doesn’t mean I haven’t got other things to do.’

  ‘Like what?’ jeered Monica with a chopper in her hand as she hacked away at a chicken’s neck, making Hatty flinch. ‘Drawin’ in ya book? Carin’ for ya weeds? Hidin’ on da island? Ya need to come out an’ live.’

  ‘Me breathin’, me livin’,’ Hatty flatly replied.

  Delores raised her eyebrows at her and gestured for her to get out of the kitchen.

  Hatty walked away and saw a sack full of corn and let out a massive groan.

  ‘Enough of your noises, Harriet!’ shouted out Delores.

  Hatty slumped to the ground and put her hand in the sack looking at her first cob of corn to clean up.

  An hour later, as she slowly worked away, the kitchen was full of noise and clatter. The house started to come to life around meal times, with the various staff clambering around to make sure Murray Logan, his family and friends were treated like kings. Hatty let out a sigh and looked towards the office area, near the garage.

  She saw the beautiful Gina Morgan outside, examining her perfect face in the mirror. Her tight fitting pale orange dress showing all the right curves as she confidently smiled. The woman was near to perfect with her light brown skin and elfin cropped hair. Men from all over the island and beyond would come and see her, wanting to shower her with gifts and affection.