Hard to Love Read online

  ‘He has moved on, got a new family, but you can’t do that. Deep down, you’re mad with him,’ he whispered.

  ‘How would you know all this?’ Mabel hissed, biting her lip.

  ‘It happened to my foster mum. She told me.’ Alex sat back in his seat. ‘She eventually got married again and that’s how she met my foster dad.’

  Knowing the first thing she wanted to ask was about him being put in care, she refrained.

  ‘And your foster father, did he have kids?’ she asked, trying to figure him out.

  ‘Nope but they had a couple of children after me and you wouldn’t have known I wasn’t theirs. They treated us equally.’

  She was itching to ask more but wondered if this was a line to draw her in before it managed to get wrapped around her throat, like a noose for hanging.

  ‘I’m not going to pry into your personal life. I think that’s rude,’ she said quietly, watching him smile. ‘And you should stop making assumptions about me.’

  ‘I was right though, wasn’t I?’

  ‘Maybe.’

  ‘Bloody well hate this!’

  Mabel hissed quietly while on the cross trainer.

  Twenty minutes into her forty-minute workout, she was dying.

  Alex was dropped off first the previous evening as they sat in silence for the rest of the journey. What he said riled her, as he knew far too much for someone who didn’t know her at all.

  A young daughter didn’t figure into the mix with him, but she knew nothing about the man.

  Her focus was to finish on the cross trainer and leave the gym.

  It’s was when she was wiping her dripping forehead and chest, Mabel noticed Alex was two machines away from her, sprinting.

  ‘Ah shit,’ she mumbled, knowing seeing her all sweaty and out of breath wasn’t a nice sight.

  Even she would recoil in horror when catching a glimpse of her reflection as she walked back into her home.

  Keeping her head down, she wondered if cutting her exercise regime would make any difference. Mabel did attend the gym twice a week, and the third session was spent sitting in the steam room and Jacuzzi. Today she was aiming to finish off her session there.

  Steadily she proceeded to train and hoped he wouldn’t notice her.

  As she looked in the reflection of the glass, she knew he had.

  Mabel smiled, but he frowned and carried on running.

  Shrugging off the rejection, Mabel jumped off, did a quick stretch, and went down to the changing rooms.

  Swimsuit on and shower taken, she headed for the steam room, inhaling the eucalyptus, trying to open her lungs, and then coughing.

  After five minutes she was bored, so showered again and went into the Jacuzzi, closing her eyes and relaxing. The warm water and bubbles were soothing the mild hangover she had from drinking a large vodka and tonic before she went to bed.

  ‘You don’t stretch enough.’

  ‘Oh, for Gods’ sake,’ she said, seeing Alex sitting opposite.

  ‘After exercise you need to stretch out. It’s good for-.’

  ‘I know what it’s good for,’ she sharply replied. ‘I spent a lifetime being told that by my gym crazy ex-husband. Frankly, I don’t care.’

  ‘Obviously not. But then it’s a waste of time you do any exercise.’

  ‘When did you join the gym? I’ve never seen you here before.’

  ‘I usually come late afternoons and after work. I could say the same thing about you.’

  ‘When I’ve not got the girls, I attend. As you can see, my body is not a temple.’

  ‘I certainly can,’ he said, making her frown and putting a hand protectively over her round tummy. ‘Do you think it’s too late for someone to worship it?’

  ‘From your expression, we know the answer.’

  He started to laugh, and she felt uncomfortable, sinking into the water.

  ‘You’re only telling me what I know.’ She looked around and noticed a man swimming in the pool. ‘My husband used to be into fitness before he got ill.’

  ‘Ill?’

  ‘Yeah, something life threatening. Unfortunately, it didn’t kill him, but I think he hoped it had, all things considered.’ Mabel hung her head.

  Alex moved closer and was sitting next to her.

  ‘You know what I said yesterday in the cab, it is true. But there’s something that doesn’t quite make sense. Mabel, you’re an odd fish.’

  ‘Why did you get put into care?’ she blurted out, seeing his eyes widen. ‘It’s interesting, that’s all.’

  ‘My biological mum couldn’t cope. I was fostered out when I was about three. She died from an overdose when I was four. I moved around a few times then I ended up being fostered by my family when I was five.’

  Holding her breath, she felt sorry for him, understanding the pain of losing a parent so young.

  But then she caught him looking at her up and down.

  Mabel didn’t want to see what expression he was pulling; she knew it wouldn’t be an appreciative one.

  ‘Are your parents close by?’

  ‘Me?’ she said, getting a little flustered. ‘My parents passed away when I was little, and my step-mother adopted me.’

  ‘I see. I’m sorry to hear that. And your step-mother? Are you close?’

  ‘I can’t get rid of her,’ knowing Joanna would turn up at noon to check if Mabel had fallen into a drunken stupor from the night before.

  ‘It’s good to have a parental figure in your life, even if you’re not biologically related. It makes a difference.’

  Then Alex got up and left the Jacuzzi.

  Mabel did a double take on seeing his body.

  He spent a lot of time at the gym.

  There were no large muscles; everything was sculptured, and he had long legs, covered in dark hair, as were his arms and chest. The skin was slightly bronzed, and Mabel wondered if she was drooling, so turned away, shaking her head.

  A splash from the pool made her jump.

  Alex was swimming up and down.

  This was her queue to leave so he didn’t get a look at her curvy body, courtesy of two pregnancies and never having done sit-ups in her life.

  The last thing she wanted anyone to realise was that all her self-worth and confidence had simply disappeared when Wes left.

  Making sure she was covered by a towel, Mabel went to the ladies changing room and got showered and dressed. Her focus was to leave as quickly as possible to avoid Alex.

  She marched out at high speed. Covering her was a large red Nike hoodie Wes had left.

  He was in a rush to leave the day he moved out. Mabel had taken his news of departing quite badly, hence her rather demonstrative and aggressive behaviour, he had called it.

  The hoodie was the only good thing he left, other than her girls.

  Mabel pulled the hood down to keep warm. Then she walked into her favourite café and was in dire need of a cup of tea.

  Taking her usual seat on the worn-out Chesterfield armchair, she ordered her drink and an egg mayonnaise bagel. There needed to be some consolation for going to the gym. As she waited, a quick text was sent to her mother, advising she was going to the cinema first thing, so wouldn’t be home.

  Joanna texted back within seconds asking where she was going and what she was seeing. All Mabel had to reply is ‘romcom’ knowing her mother would heave at the thought, therefore sparing her the offer to meet.

  Today Mabel planned to see a new thriller that had got excellent reviews.

  Most of her days without the children were spent in the cinema, other than when she had a Bob Jones session. On Saturdays, she would go to the first showing, making sure she booked the seat directly in the middle, getting the perfect symmetrical view. She thought nothing wrong about sitting by herself in a cinema; to her it was a good way to concentrate.

  Relaxing into the armchair, she looked at the sky and examined the fluffy white clouds.

  ‘Hello.’

  Mabel looke
d up, and Alex was sat opposite.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ she asked, shocked to see him.

  ‘You’re not good at welcoming people with open arms, are you?’ He grinned and sat back. ‘There’s quite a defensive and confrontational tone.’

  Not bothering to reply, she sensed he wanted to wind her up.

  ‘What time is your daughter arriving?’ Mabel’s tea was placed on the table. ‘You should be preparing or something.’

  ‘I take it your girls are with their father?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘She’s coming at eleven,’ Alex smiled and she noticed it wasn’t his stunning one. This expression seemed genuine and kind. ‘I’m excited about it.’

  ‘When they’re eight, they’re still little babies and very cute. Then they turn twelve, and it’s another world. The conversations and…’ Mabel let out a little sigh. ‘I still think my girls are babies.’

  She smiled, but he was staring. That’s when she realised her appearance could have shocked him into silence. It was a little humiliating stab, but she bottled it away.

  ‘You look at me in a way that makes me wonder if you’re stable,’ Mabel whispered.

  ‘You’re interesting.’

  ‘I’m not.’

  ‘No, you are. Given your bitter and twisted viewpoint right now, there’s something else that’s bugging you.’

  ‘You.’ Mabel folded her arms and stared back. ‘Why are you so rude when I see you at the bus stop? I knew who you were and I smiled, tried to start a conversation, but you looked at me like I’m a mad woman.’

  ‘Honestly,’ he replied, sitting forward. ‘You come across as needy. I thought if I got too friendly, you’d latch onto me and would get the wrong idea.’

  That was like a hard thud in her chest.

  ‘I see.’ Unfolding her arms, she took a sip of her tea as the bagel turned up. ‘The idea is to keep me at arm’s length.’ Then she mumbled. ‘The conceit of it.’

  ‘Have I upset you?’

  ‘I’m the shredder who is also a needy, ice knickers. A contradiction in so many terms.’ Getting up, she quickly took a couple of sips of her tea, then grabbed the plate, walking towards the counter. ‘Can I take this away?’

  Seeing Alex look at her from the reflection in the mirror, she left, walking quickly down the road.

  This man had a way of saying cutting things.

  But Alex Chambers would find she wasn’t that easy to slice up, not anymore.

  ‘That’s funny!’

  Mabel was giggling at a bar with her best friend Iona the following week. The girls were staying the night with Joanna and Mabel was in dire need of a night out, even though it was Thursday.

  ‘I mean, what could I say? He was five feet four and a good six inches shorter than me! I’d have to walk in the gutter for us to be the same height, as well as crouch down.’ Iona laughed out hard.

  She was a tall, large, black woman, with the most beautiful smooth skin. And a riotous laugh plus copious amount of sex appeal. Iona was gorgeous.

  Her best friend liked being single and wanted to stay that way. She too had been in a relationship, realising she wasn’t in love with the man she had lived with for twelve years. That’s when it dawned on Iona getting married, and kids weren’t her thing.

  Having fun was.

  ‘And Bob?’ Iona asked, filling up Mabel’s glass. ‘You’re still screwing him?’

  ‘Sex is sex,’ she said, watching the wine fall into her glass. ‘He hits the spot. That’s good.’

  ‘But he’s such a dirty dog, and you know what I mean.’ Her friend gave her a wry smile. ‘I’d love a piece of his arse.’

  ‘Take him. He wouldn’t object.’

  ‘Bob and Wes do look similar.’

  ‘No, they don’t,’ she said defensively. ‘I’m still angry with Wes and I can’t move on. Even after my sessions with Bob, he pops into my head.’

  ‘The man did bad and he knows it.’

  ‘Why didn’t he want to have a baby with me? If he was so unhappy, why didn’t he say? I’d have understood.’ There was another loud laugh from Iona. ‘Eventually I would have understood.’

  ‘No, you wouldn’t have!’

  ‘Okay, that’s true. Put that down to my unforgiving heart.’

  ‘How’s his princess?’ asked Iona, with a twinge of sarcasm.

  ‘Princess my backside! Her family live in Hackney, and no members of royalty turned up at the registry. I wish Wes would spend time with the girls, alone.’

  ‘Tell him.’

  ‘I can barely make eye contact. He said he missed my roast chicken the other week, that bloody vegetarian!’ She shook her head furiously. ‘I wish I got a pole and shoved it up his arsehole and put him on the spit instead!’

  Getting off the bus an hour later, she noticed the local pub on the corner. It was only ten, and she fancied a glass of wine.

  Ordering her drink and taking it to a small table, Mabel sat down and looked through her messages.

  Something caught her eye, and she noticed Alex was huddled in a corner speaking to a woman who worked at the agency, Lauren. Allegedly they used to work together at his last place, and Alex hired her in for ad-hoc projects.

  And Mabel could see what sort of projects he had in mind.

  She was a thing of beauty.

  Tall, slim, a gorgeous mix of Italian and African with a massive afro, the woman was a head turner. She seemed totally caught up in Alex from the look of it.

  Mabel realised she would have to reseat herself, so he didn’t see her.

  Then she saw him flick a disgruntled glance in her direction.

  That’s when she decided not to move.

  He was blatantly going to take Lauren back to his home for a wild night of sex.

  Mabel kept her head down and decided to play her game while taking regular sips of her drink.

  It’s when she reached out for her glass; it wasn’t within her grasp, so glanced up.

  Alex was holding it on the other side of the table.

  ‘Can I have it back?’ she asked, seeing him frown. Mabel turned to see Lauren wasn’t there. ‘Go back to where you were sitting and give me back my drink.’

  ‘Say please.’

  ‘Just give it back.’

  ‘Manners, Mabel,’ Alex replied, giving her a stern look. ‘Ask nicely.’

  ‘Please may I have my drink back, Mr Chambers?’ she asked, with a fake smile.

  ‘How much have you had already?’

  ‘Enough to blank out my car crash life,’ she honestly replied, putting her tablet down. He pushed the glass forward as she took a sip. ‘Thank you.’

  Then he leant down, resting his chin in his hand while looking at her.

  ‘Your date will be returning soon,’ she whispered. ‘It’s rude not to be at the table.’

  ‘She’s not my date. I’ve known her for a long time. She has an open mind. Not clingy or needy and we have sex occasionally. That girl just sizzles.’

  ‘Oh.’

  There was no answer to that.

  Mabel could feel a verbal slap when it came her way.

  But still Alex examined her as if taking something in.

  ‘If I were you, I’d go look at her. She’s gorgeous. You’ll ruin your eyesight with me.’

  ‘Yeah, probably.’

  Then he got up and went to the table as Lauren returned, before walking out.

  Again, his comment stabbed hard.

  Mabel sipped her drink and wondered why he was so mean.

  He was muscling in on her territory.

  ‘Take off the headphones.’

  Calum was standing by her desk the following Friday as she listened to ‘The Best of Al Green’. The song playing was ‘How do you mend a broken heart’©. Right now, it rang true because she had no idea but wished she knew how. ‘Mabel!’

  ‘Can I help you?’ she replied, with a wide smile, turning the volume down.

  Her brother grimaced.

>   That afternoon she was meeting Bob, and he had texted her five times to confirm he was on heat.

  And so was she.

  ‘Don’t smile at work, it’s not like you,’ he said, closing the door and walking towards her desk. She quickly put out a glass so he wouldn’t sit on the surface. He pushed it away and parked his backside down, once again. ‘I hear you’ve been pleasant to everyone this week. Why?’

  ‘Mum says it’s hard for people to love me, so I’m changing my approach.’ Calum looked at her as if she was completely round the bend. ‘This is when you support me and say that’s a wonderful outlook.’

  Slowly her brother shook his head from side to side, without a smile.

  ‘You’re up to something.’

  ‘Everyone loves you, and maybe I want to be loved too.’

  ‘How’s your drinking?’

  ‘I am not an alcoholic,’ Mabel hissed and sipped her water. ‘I realised to go that way would be a waste of my life and a lot of money. And I have the kids to think of.’

  ‘You know what they told mum?’

  ‘They’re concerned I get inebriated.’

  ‘I hear the local depot have to arrange for a single lorry to pick up the recycling of all those empty wine bottles, each week.’

  ‘Ha, ha, ha!’

  ‘You’re due at a meeting in half an hour.’

  ‘I’m leaving in an hour,’ she said, looking at her watch. ‘And no-one told me about it so I can’t go. It’s Friday.’

  Mabel smiled at Calum and was met with a frown.

  ‘You better not be up to no good,’ he whispered, jumping off the table. ‘What you get up to on a Friday afternoon is your business and-.’

  ‘That’s right,’ she whispered, looking up at him, putting on her doe eyes. ‘It is my business.’ There was a little growl in her direction. ‘I’ll be at the meeting, but I have to leave on time.’

  ‘Right,’ he said, looking like he was preparing himself. ‘I’ll pull it forward now.’

  ‘Do I have to turn up?’

  Within five minutes, everyone who was part of the pitch for the dating agency ‘Love to Love’ were sat in the meeting room. She hadn’t been in any sessions since the first one, sending her assistant Tommy instead.