Pushing Over 40 Read online

  Stretching her hand out, she slowly took the baster out of his grasp.

  ‘Thanks. You can go now and I want a receipt.’

  ‘Paperwork?’ he said, looking astonished at her. ‘You’re joking?’

  ‘No,’ she said, stepping back into her room. ‘I need to formalise things.’

  ‘You know you’re holding my spunk in your hands!’

  ‘Adam, as always it has been a pleasure!’ she snapped and shut the door.

  ‘I’ll see my way out then!’ he shouted. ‘Until next month?’

  ‘Well let’s see what happens this month,’ she yelled back, looking at the specimen at arm’s length. ‘God, I can’t believe I’m doing this.’

  Quickly going to the bed, she lay down then heard the front door slam shut.

  ‘Calm,’ she said, trying to hold the baster with one hand.

  It was then she realised this wasn’t as easy as she first thought. Her hands were sweaty and she was now panicking about getting it inside her. She gently inserted the plastic gadget with her eyes shut, squeezed the pipette head. Maya pulled it out and noticed that the teaspoon amount was still at the tip.

  Not knowing what to do, she then shook the baster to make sure it wasn’t being stopped by an air bubble but it was at that moment the contents then squirted onto her thigh.

  ‘Fuck!’ she shouted and tried to scoop it up with her fingers but she then didn’t know what she was going to do.

  Trying to put her fingers inside her she realised this wasn’t going to work and threw herself on the bed.

  ‘I just don’t believe it,’ she said with gritted teeth and held up the baster then quickly sat up to try and suck up the remnants on her leg with the instrument.

  She stopped and sat still on the bed for a few moments before laughing.

  Getting up, she walked into the bathroom and took a quick shower. At the same time she rinsed the baster then closed her eyes under the shower shaking her head realising the absurdity of the situation which involved Adam.

  Maya had to laugh out loud once again.

  After showering she put her dressing gown on and walked into the spare bedroom. Adam had left his imprint in the duvet and she noticed his porn by the side. She slowly walked towards it and flicked through the pages to see if there was one lovely he had been concentrating on.

  The magazine looked like it hadn’t been opened.

  ‘Premature ejaculation then,’ she laughed and picked up the magazine before walking to the kitchen and throwing it into the drawer while putting the baster in a bag and placing it in the top cupboard.

  The money was gone and he had scrawled something onto a post-it note. She picked it up and read it out.

  ‘Hope you put it in the right place!’

  ‘And to think I fancied him for years!’ Maya chuckled and as her mobile started to ring.

  It was Tony.

  Her heart started to beat harder then sunk a little.

  ‘Hello,’ she said, trying to sound calm though her breathing was erratic.

  ‘Hi,’ he replied. ‘You called?’

  ‘I wanted to see how you were,’ she said, really happy to hear his voice.

  ‘I’m fine. How are you?’ Tony replied and she couldn’t figure out whether he was happy to talk to her or not.

  ‘I…’ Maya couldn’t lie. ‘I really miss you.’

  ‘Oh dear,’ he said, not sounding too impressed.

  ‘I know you don’t feel the same way about me, I accept that, but I really enjoyed your company. That’s all I wanted to say and I’m sorry it ended the way it did.’

  ‘I’m pleased to hear you’re well. I better go.’

  ‘Okay,’ she said sadly, wanting him to say something nice to her. ‘See you around then?’

  ‘See you around, bye.’

  Maya blinked back the tears as she sat on her sofa and felt another spear of humiliation hit her hard in the heart. She opened up her laptop and looked at the website, seeing there were more emails than usual. Going through each one and checking the content she read one email and felt devastated.

  One of her earlier members, Vivienne, had wanted a second child and she knew the delivery date was around this week.

  ‘Dear All

  I am sad to say that my little angel was born sleeping two days ago. We named him Charlie. His soul is in heaven right now and I wish I could be with him more than ever.

  Thank you for all your support throughout the years but I won’t be coming back to the board for a while as I try and cope with my loss.

  Good luck with your quest for becoming mums… it really is the most precious thing in the world.

  Vi’

  There was a picture of the baby on the website, sleeping, and Maya couldn’t stop crying. She wanted to write Vivienne a personal email but couldn’t put the words together so did a universal reply instead.

  ‘Dear Vi

  My heart goes out to you and your family at such a sad time. No words can bring comfort for your loss and we’re here if you need any support. You’re a lovely, wonderful woman with a beautiful heart and I know Charlie would have known that too.

  All my love

  Maya’

  Maya sat there and sobbed at her computer as she started to read the other messages of condolences and how everyone had rallied around for the grieving mother.

  There was a knock on the door.

  ‘Adam wanting his porn, no doubt,’ she mumbled, wiping her eyes.

  She walked to the door, peeping through the spy hole and stood there stunned for a moment.

  ‘Hello Maya,’ Tony said, looking sadly at her as she opened the door.

  ‘Hi,’ she said, trying not to cry.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ he asked flinching.

  ‘One of the women...’

  Maya could feel the tears drop down her cheeks.

  ‘Why are you crying?’

  He stepped closer to wipe a tear away from her face.

  ‘I had some bad news,’ she gulped then sobbed. ‘I don’t know why I do this sometimes!’

  Tony put his arms around her and gave her a big hug.

  ‘And you’re pissing me off,’ she said, pushing him away. ‘Not returning my calls, making me feel like shit.’

  ‘That’s not the intention. Can I come in?’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘I want to talk to you,’ he said and she led him into the living room then glanced at the computer.

  Tony put down his case and stood near her before glancing sympathetically.

  ‘What upset you Maya?’

  ‘Something on the site,’ she said, sighing and sitting on the sofa. ‘I don’t know why I want to do this baby shit, I really don’t. It’s too painful.’

  ‘Are you changing your mind?’ he asked, sitting very close and Maya looked up.

  ‘I think fate may be working against me,’ she replied, both happy and sad at seeing him. ‘What do you want to talk to me about?’

  ‘Us,’ he said gently and kissed her forehead.

  ‘There isn’t an ‘us’ I thought after seeing you last time. I won’t ring you again, if that’s what you want.’

  ‘What I want doesn’t come into it, does it?’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Listen to me, I knew you were going to bring up the baby thing and I’ve been dreading it to be honest. I had my set speech and thought it would be easy as that. Say goodbye and off you go.’

  ‘You did and I did,’ she said, gulping hard. ‘I can’t dance around it but I’ve been good not to push you.’

  ‘So good you’ve not said how you felt until a few weeks ago.’

  ‘I didn’t want to spoil it but it has.’

  ‘I want to be really frank. If you want to have a baby then there’s nothing I can do to stop you. I know it’s what you want and who am I to stand in your way? The thing is,’ he took a deep breath. ‘I’d prefer it if you didn’t.’

  ‘If I want to have a baby then I can’t have y
ou, is that what you’re saying?’

  ‘I’ve got my children. I don’t want to bring up another man’s child. I’m being honest. I’m fifty one years old and I’ve done the nappies. I want to relax and enjoy my life.’

  ‘I know,’ she said, putting her hands over her face and rubbing her skin really hard.

  ‘When’s your next appointment?’ he asked, leaning forward to look at her.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Your clinic appointment?’

  ‘Oh,’ she said, forgetting about Adam. ‘In a few weeks.’

  ‘Are you sure you want a baby?’ he asked, moving his face closer to hers.

  ‘I won’t know how sure I am until I get pregnant,’ she honestly replied. ‘That’s if I can.’

  Maya turned to look at Tony then kissed him gently. She pushed her fingers through the back of his hair and stared into his eyes as he kissed her back, this time pushing her to lie on the sofa as he climbed on top.

  Maya felt his mouth on hers and wanted him so much. She let him open up her dressing gown and touch her as she held on to him. Tony’s mouth travelled all over her face and neck before sucking on her nipples while squeezing her arse. He was fully clothed whereas she was butt naked but wanting some comfort from him.

  It was fast as he grappled with her body, letting out groans of satisfaction while grinding his hard on through his jeans into her very throbbing crotch.

  ‘I’ve missed you,’ she said as he nuzzled his face into her neck and she heard his fly being undone as his mouth moved to her lips and he thrust really hard, making her jolt as she wasn’t prepared for it.

  Then the guy started to fuck her really fast, holding onto her wrists as she noticed one thing.

  The noises he was making wasn’t as attractive as the sounds she had eavesdropped when Adam when doing his own hand relief. She tried to force it out of her head but realised the screwing she was receiving wasn’t for her benefit at all.

  It was for his and it was over in a minute.

  He flopped on top of her before quickly pulling out and standing up.

  ‘I shouldn’t have done that,’ he said panic struck and trying act composed. ‘That wasn’t supposed to happen.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Maya was a little confused as she quickly closed her dressing gown and sat up. ‘You didn’t mean to make love to me?’

  ‘I didn’t want to come round for a quickie,’ he gulped. ‘I can’t do this.’

  ‘I don’t understand,’ she said, standing up and trying to touch him as he pulled away.

  ‘I came round to talk to you about our situation and about the website,’ Tony said, his back facing her.

  ‘What?’

  ‘My company is seriously interested in buying your website and associating it with ‘Pregnancy Talk’,’ he said, sounding edgy.

  ‘Oh my god!’ she said, gulping back the tears. ‘You came round to make an offer for ‘Pushing over 40’ and managed to push up a forty something! I don’t believe you!’

  ‘Maya, I’m so sorry,’ he said, turning to look at her with a strained expression. ‘This isn’t how I … you know I like you.’

  ‘Playing the merry widower card again?’ she said angrily.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘It doesn’t matter.’ She shook her head and let the angry tears drop down her face. ‘Leave me alone Tony. I know you’re only after getting your end away and you did.’

  ‘Maya,’ he said and went to touch her as she stepped back.

  ‘I’m not selling my site to anyone especially to you, so you can fuck off and leave me alone!’ she said, angrily shaking. ‘You really are a bastard, aren’t you?’

  ‘I don’t know what to say,’ he said, breathing deeply and grabbing his case. ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘Get out of my home. You got what you wanted, so you can go now.’

  ‘Don’t be like-.’

  ‘Get out!’ she screamed and watched him walk out of the door as she sunk to the floor and sobbed feeling his semen trickle down her thigh.

  Now

  The door was being banged hard and she ignored it.

  ‘Let me in!’ pleaded Adam as she sat there unable to move. ‘I know you’re in there.’

  Maya couldn’t speak.

  She felt if she did, she’d betray what she was going through and upset him even more. The shock had gone and all that was left was total devastation at what she had gone through, what she had done.

  ‘You can’t do this on your own. Harry’s worried sick. Shona said you’re not answering her calls. Maya? Please open up,’ Adam said, sounding strained. ‘We can do this together. I want to help you.’

  She put her head in her hands and cried again, sobbing loudly.

  The tears dripped off her face onto the keyboard and she watched a puddle being created. Her breathing became erratic and she didn’t want to move.

  All she wanted was silence.

  She had to get her head around it, understand it, realise she wasn’t alone.

  But she was.

  Desperately alone and going through a pain she couldn’t see clearly from because she had died too.

  Then

  ‘I forgot my magazine,’ Adam announced four days later standing on her door step. ‘What’s happened to you? You look like shit.’

  ‘Thanks,’ she replied and let him in. ‘I put it in a drawer for next time.’

  ‘Are you alright?’ he asked, peering into her face. ‘You shouldn’t be drinking if you’re trying for a baby.’

  ‘That’s rich coming from you considering you turned up on my doorstep pissed as a fart the other night,’ she scowled. ‘Come in before someone sees you.’

  ‘Embarrassed?’ he cheekily smiled.

  ‘About you? Constantly,’ she said and followed him in.

  ‘How did it go?’ Adam cheerfully asked, sitting on the sofa as she sat at the desk looking on her laptop.

  ‘Why aren’t you at work?’ Maya scowled, turning to look at him. ‘It’s the middle of the afternoon.’

  ‘The client didn’t turn up so they said I could go home and I have other things to work on you know. Sound engineering is my bread and butter but the world is my oyster and there are opportunities abound.’

  ‘And you thought you’d come and get your porno magazine to spend the rest of the afternoon wanking?’ she smiled and looked back at her screen.

  ‘I’m being very keen, getting the practice in,’ he chuckled. ‘And you’re drinking in the middle of the afternoon, on your own, which isn’t a good sign.’

  ‘I’ve had a few shit days then I got some sort of twenty four hour flu bug but I’m alive… just.’

  ‘You’ve got my love juices in you, for fuck’s sake, you should be having a great time with my little sperms swimming around.’

  She looked at Adam beaming brightly and didn’t have the heart to say it was a wasted effort.

  ‘Would you like a drink?’ Maya asked and solemnly looked at her computer.

  ‘Would you like to tell me why you’ve got a face like a slapped arse considering you could be carrying my baby? I’m not happy about the drinking you know.’

  ‘The chance of me getting pregnant is minimal and I’m drinking because I’ve been dumped and it’s medicinal,’ she said, trying to look as if she didn’t care.

  ‘Oh no Maya, what happened?’ he asked, looking at her with genuine concern. ‘I didn’t know you were seeing anyone… or did I?’

  ‘Neither did he from the sound of it,’ she replied, watching him tick something over.

  ‘That bad aye?’ he said, getting up and walking into the kitchen before returning with the bottle of wine. ‘Sit on the sofa and tell me what happened?’

  ‘So you can laugh at my expense?’ she groaned. ‘No thanks.’

  ‘I’m a good listener. Come and tell me all your woes.’

  She got up and slumped next to him.

  ‘I’m not pissed so don’t think I’m going to tell you something juicy
so you can use it against me at a later date.’

  ‘I’m all ears,’ Adam smiled, flashing a big grin.

  ‘The man I was seeing knew I wanted to have babies and-.’

  ‘I know the answer to this,’ he interrupted. ‘You scared him off, simple as that.’

  ‘Could you let me finish?’ Maya laughed then looked at him waiting intently for her next words. ‘He can’t have children. This I knew from the first day I met him but I liked him and I thought he liked me. Then, after I spoke to you about your offer, I realised I needed to discuss it with him.’

  ‘What did he say? Like I don’t know,’ sighed Adam.

  ‘He said he liked my company but didn’t feel the same way I did about him and basically, to cut a long story short, he didn’t want to keep on seeing me if I wanted a kid.’

  ‘Knew it!’ laughed Adam hitting his thigh.

  ‘I’m pleased you’re so clever because I thought I was falling in love with him,’ she said feeling upset about what happened a few nights earlier. ‘He was using me for sex and the website.’

  ‘The website?’

  ‘I was asked who designed it.’

  ‘Did you tell them?’

  ‘I’m not telling anyone you did it for me.’

  ‘Good,’ he sighed.

  ‘Adam I put my baby making plans on hold because I thought…’

  She wanted to cry.

  ‘You were falling in love with him?’ he asked quietly.

  ‘He did tell me I wore my heart on my sleeve,’ Maya replied and looked at him as he slightly sneered.

  ‘That’s pretty serious. Did you tell him about my offer?’

  ‘I told him I was going back to the clinic in a few weeks and he promptly shagged me and left,’ she gulped before trying not to cry. ‘And one of the ladies had a baby and he died, so all in all, everything is pretty shit.’

  ‘Oh no,’ Adam said, putting his arm around her. ‘It’ll be okay.’

  ‘He said he liked me but the baby thing is something he couldn’t get involved in.’

  ‘Why was he interested in the website?’ he asked, looking quizzically at her. ‘Who was this mystery man?’

  ‘It’s not important.’

  Maya knew he was staring at her then she heard the roar of laughter knowing it was at her expense.

  ‘Don’t tell me!’ he laughed. ‘Have I had the pleasure of hearing you come from the other side of the wall?’